Deconstructing Toxic Spiritual Trauma

A spiritual path or religious tradition should provide us with a sense of strength, community and healthy belonging. Unfortunately, it does not always work out that way.

Many former Fundamentalist Christians, Recovering Catholics, and people leaving Strict Alternative Spirituality Paths feel that their time seeking the Divine has actually been an abusive experience.

Defining spiritual abuse and religious trauma can be very difficult. What one person finds to be a very nurturing and safe community might feel extremely unsafe and triggering for another person. The difficult path to navigate is that for many religions, the idea that “their way is the only way” is part of the doctrine. This sense of certainty, even if it is a false sense of certainty, is very appealing to our limbic system. The notion that we get to be “right, good, and safe” is like a drug to our animal brains.

Defining spiritual abuse and religious trauma can be very difficult. What one person finds to be nurturing and safe might feel extremely unsafe and triggering for another. 

My best attempt at defining spiritual trauma is: any attempt to exert power and control over someone using faith or religious beliefs. This often involves manipulating people’s natural need for belonging to control their behavior through religion or spiritual dominance. 

Examples of religious abuse include: conversion therapy (trying to make queer or trans people straight and cisgendered), cults, toxic shaming, sexual abuse within the clergy, using violence or force as part of religious practice without consent, violating private information, and using public shaming or isolation. Notice that definition is tricky, nuanced, and subjective.

Many of us were raised with messages that God is punishing and angry. We were raised with messages rooted in control and shame (aka, the idea that we are inherently sinful). We were taught to feel shame about sexuality, shame about our bodies, shame about our creativity and curiosity, and shame about what it means to be human.

Toxic spirituality teaches us to repress what makes us unique and be utterly consumed by the needs and opinions of others. 

Some key indicators that a religious authority or community are toxic include:

• Teaching that some people are inherently more “Godly” or worthy than others because of inborn traits such as gender, sexuality, race, etc.
• Teaching that doubting, critical thinking, or confusion are signs of evil or disobedience, rather than a normal aspect of human experience and human growth.
• Insisting followers give up their own agency and decision making and instead follow blindly the instructions of faith leaders.
• Using humiliation as a tool to prove a point, or as a “teaching tool” to control followers’ behavior.
• Labeling followers’ innate and instinctual sense of right and wrong as evil when they cause a follower to question the group teachings or leaders.
• Teaching followers to live perpetually in a state of self-hate by focusing on how they are innately bad or sinful or wrong and preaching that the only remedy for these inherent flaws is to blindly follow the direction of others.
• Discouraging spontaneity and humor and tightly monitored for what is an “acceptable” way of experiencing or expressing joy.

Spiritual trauma can impact our ability to set boundaries and to trust our intuition and bodies. It can also leave us with persistent shame around sexuality, or feeling that we are inherently shameful, sinful, bad or broken. Even if we do not consciously believe these things any longer, those old beliefs can feel like they are “baked in.”  

We want to help you unbake that cake. :-) 

Our team is trained in helping clients recover from spiritual trauma, reclaim whatever spiritual practice feels aligned for you and/or celebrate setting a boundary around any kind of spiritual practice as many people need to do after religious abuse. We want to help you know in your bones that you are not inherently sinful, bad or broken; you are beautifully human.

We can help you deconstruct toxic spiritual trauma and help you reclaim your badass and authentic self.