Dissolving Perfectionism, Urgency, and Dominance

Hello Community!

How are you doing?  I am deeply aware that it is a wild time to be alive; it can feel heavy, scary, heartbreaking, and infuriating. Something I have been thinking a lot about is the misguided values of:

Perfectionism

Urgency

And Dominance

I see these showing up in our personal journey, in our relationships, and in our collective. 

Notice how these values show up in our holidays, like the idea that everything should look and feel “perfect,” or the rushing around and frantically baking the cookies, buying the presents, decorating the house, and volunteering for the class parties (urgency).

I also see perfectionism showing up in avoiding difficult conversations with family during the holidays or not setting the boundaries that we need. 

I see the value of dominance playing out in endless consumption.  Mostly, I see the value of dominance playing out in our political landscape.  I hope this is the last gasp of this old paradigm.

In therapy and coaching sessions, more and more clients are exploring how to address ancestral trauma and talking about how to heal on a collective level.  

My invitation is to think about how these values show up in your own body.  What does perfectionism feel like energetically? How does urgency come in and steal your peace, ease, and flow?  How does the value of dominance show up in defensiveness, constriction, or bracing? 

I see these values of perfectionism, urgency, and dominance as collective trauma responses.  If we lose our inherent worth, we develop perfectionism.  We develop urgency as a way of proving our worth, giving ourselves some power, and it is connected to “productivity,” which the larger society tells us is where our worth lies. We develop dominance because, at one time, we were dominated and overpowered.

What would the antidotes be?

As an antidote to perfectionism, how about practicing good enoughness, self-compassion, or even self-neutrality (like the idea that you are just a human being out here with the rest of us, doing the best you can).  

What would these healthier energies feel like in your body? Again- what is the energy and rhythm

As an antidote to urgency, how about practicing ease, slowness, mindfulness, and being rather than doing? 

As an antidote to dominance, what would equity, reciprocity, and right relationship with ourselves, others, and the planet feel like?

Feel these antidotes in your body.  What is the energy, rhythm, and vibration of these?  What behaviors would be more aligned with these antitodes? What would you be doing more of? Less of? Are there images, smells, textures, or sounds that symbolize, enhance, or represent the values that light you up more? How would you feel emotionally and physically if you were living in alignment with ease, reciprocity, and “good enoughness?”  

That is my invitation for you this holiday season.   Let it be messy, let it be less perfect, let it be less rushed. Just turn the dial a little bit.  Just point your feet, a little bit, in the direction of the alchemical values that feel more in alignment with your heart.