Before You Practice "Letting Go.."

Before you practice “Letting go…”

This fall, you can probably expect a lot of posts, blogs and articles about how fall is “a beautiful time to let go of things that no longer serve you.” Well… allow me to contribute to that pool, but with a twist:-)

If the FB/IG robots have caught any glimpse of you being on a healing journey- you have probably seen this meme:

“The leaves are about to show us how beautiful it can be to let things go.”

As much as I love this meme- I think I have shared it once or twice- and as much as I champion the practice of healthy surrender, decluttering and letting things go that no longer serve us- I wanted to take a moment to invite you to pause first.

Oftentimes, when people say, “Just let it go,” it can feel like it should be easy.  It can feel minimizing as to how hard that process can be, a gaslight or a bypassing of something that needs to be acknowledged.  Even if we are letting go of something that is clearly unhealthy for us- an abusive or unsupportive relationship or an addiction, there is often a deep sense of grief that needs to be attuned to and acknowledged before we can just “Let it go.”

Sometimes, before we can truly release something, and in fact, maybe even a necessary component of releasing things, is to first acknowledge how that thing has served us.  What will you miss about this thing that you are letting go of?  What will be the hardest part of life without it? What are the fears of letting this thing go?  I am not suggesting stewing in your own shit for too long, but acknowledging and digesting the pain that is here is necessary in order to release it.

When I talk about trauma recovery, I often talk about “digesting things” and if we are going to follow this metaphor, we could even say that “letting things go” is kinda like “pooping things out.”

But before we “poop things out,” we have to digest things.  We have to move through pain, feel the sadness, acknowledge the grief and the enzymes that help all of that digest are

self-compassion and love…

AND THEN.. maybe there can be a gentle invitation for your system to release it…

Or maybe..you can release a small part of it?

Perhaps your inner wisdom KNOWS that it is time to let something go, but yet, there is something blocking it.  

Visions of Kramer’s “Serenity Now” from Seinfeld are popping into my head.  In the episode, the character says “he has found the key to inner peace and he just says the words ‘Serenity Now,’ and all of his upset just goes away.” Well… eventually he totally loses it because all he is doing is repressing and bottling things up)

I digress.. BUT just as Kramer cannot “Serenity Now” himself into actual serenity, we cannot “Let it GO” ourselves into actual surrender.

When we try to convince ourselves of something, the block only gets bigger.  Instead of trying to convince yourself or neurotically reciting affirmations over and over again, perhaps there are some steps to actually help your system digest and release.

So instead of just telling yourself to “Let it go,” Try these steps instead:

1. Pause-
2. Acknowledge what is here
3. Name the emotion(s)
4. Name where you feel them in your body (are there body sensations, bracing, tension?  Does it have a rhythm? Direction?) 
5. What is the story you are attaching to the thing you are wanting to let things go?
6. Put a hand on your heart (and maybe one on your tummy) if that feels good to you.  YOu can put a hand on your shoulders, head or anywhere else that feels supportive (NOTE: You are not trying to FORCE anything to go away; you are simply offering a supportive sense of touch.
7. Invite a LOVING awareness to surround all of these parts of the thing (the emotions, the body, the energy of it, the story).  Offer “I see you, it makes sense that you are here.  It makes sense there are parts of this that are difficult to let go of.”
8. Take FIVE deep breaths where you inhale to the count of 5, hold for a count of 2, exhale to the count of 10 and hold the bottom of the breath for a count of 2
9. Move your body.  Dance, stretch, Shake it out, shake your hands, shake your whole dang body if you need to
10.  Invite a small part of the thing to release.  You can even say out loud, “I release whatever can be released.  I release what no longer serves me with love.”

 If there is a part of the thing that is still holding on or “hooking you,” give yourself some grace. Sometimes, things take time.  Remind yourself that the INTENTION to release things is ENOUGH.

 Happy fall, everyone. Here’s to digesting and releasing what no longer serves with a little more love and compassion. 

With love,

Erica