CARE DEEPLY AND DON’T GIVE A FUCK.
Breaking it down further: Care deeply- meaning have deep compassion, LOVE people with reckless abandon, practice random acts of kindness, take care of yourself (caring deeply about and having true compassion towards ourselves in a real way is one of the hardest practices I find), cry at sad movies, hug and LOVE your kids like your heart is going to break, have profession goals, follow your passions, advocate for what is just and right and fair, have integrity, give AND receive freely (this is also a tough one) and all that other stuff that fills our life up.
Now- let’s look at some things that may fall in the category of “Don’t give a fuck”- setting boundaries, saying no to things when you need to, saying “hell no and fuck off” when you need to, (although- after reading this book, it might sound more like “hell no and fuck off with love and light,” saying “fuck you” to society’s shame messages about our bodies or being perfect (Whoop whoop Brene’ Brown), Not giving a shit what other people think unless they have earned your care about their opinion, being authentic, not trying to fix other people, recognizing that people have the right to stay in pain if they want to, not being co-dependent, not attaching our worth to the outcome of our achievements, not attaching our worth or our lovability to other people, not attaching our spiritual selves to a book or an institution.
The fancy word for this type of thinking is “dialectic.” It is the belief that things that seem to be opposites can both exist and be true at the same time. You might ask, “If I am going to care deeply, how can I also not give a fuck?” This blog is about walking that magical line where these two opposite forces intersect and meet and can exist simultaneously. Perhaps more than straight answers, we will explore and ask questions like: “How can we have healthy and good attachments in relationships AND not fall into being co-dependent?” “How can we love our children deeply and unconditionally AND not rescue them from struggle or try to fix them?” “How can I have personal and professional goals AND not attach my worth as a human being to the outcome of those goals?” “How can I take responsibility for my impact on others AND not care too much what they think about me?” “How can I have compassion for my fellow humans AND not absorb too much of their negativity?” “How can I own any social privileges that I have and advocate for social justice AND still create a life worth living for myself and my family, knowing that I cannot save the world or carry it on my shoulders?” Whew those are some big questions. I suppose I am going to take a moment to say my mantra….